This is a really random article this week. A lot of strength and conditioning coaches love to talk about “effective communication” and “being selfless”. This article will (sort of) take a little jab at both.

I’ve been thinking about the premise of this article for quite a while. I love to listen “between the lines” when people are talking. The reality is that sometimes I make assumptions that are flat out wrong, but you have to practice things to get better at them (in this case active listening), and obviously you don’t always get things right in practice (hence the idea of practice). Anyways, this is one I’ve been sneakily listening to for years: “Me and you” versus “You and me”.

Listen to the people around you speak: how many times do you hear “Me and my friend were at the gym” or “Me and Tom had this idea” or “I made this thing…well me and Linda made it together”. Now compare that to: “My friend and I were at the gym” / “Tom and I had this idea” / “Linda and I made this together”. The difference is very subtle, but it’s there. Again, THIS IS ME MAKING ASSUMPTIONS. But a lot of times the people who consistently speak in the “me and you” versus the “you and me” are much more selfish than they are selfless.

My thought is that, even at a subconscious level, they are still putting themselves before others. When they are formulating their sentence, they are always putting themselves as the primary character, and all the others become secondary. Conversely, when people speak in the “you and me / you and I”, they are thinking of others first. Whatever the reason (give credit where it’s due, make others feel involved, being genuinely selfless), they are making others the primary characters and making themselves secondary to that. These are the people that I have found to be, in the words of strength and conditioning coaches everywhere, “effective communicators” and “selfless”.

I don’t want to get into whether being selfish or selfless is better for your individual success (there are ABSOLUTELY times when you need to be selfish). My general thought with this article is that people will probably tend to naturally lean one way or the other: selfish or selfless. Neither is necessarily right or wrong, but for you personally being aware of this can help you navigate certain conversations/situations with people based on how they may lean. (A lot of effective communication is persuasion and manipulation, but we can save that for another time).

Active listening is a good skill to have and makes you a much better communicator. Like all things in life, to get better you need to practice. Listen deeper to the way things are portrayed and challenge yourself to find themes and patterns. Additionally, listen to how you articulate things to others. See if your thoughts match your words. If I ever catch myself saying “Me and Kerrin” for example, I will take the time to correct myself and say “Kerrin and I”. I’m absolutely NOT perfect in this (again, practice is key), but little things can go a long way.

Maybe I am completely blowing this one out of proportion and am way off, but either way I was raised to put others before me in life. Being selfless requires sacrifice of yourself for the greater good of others. If someone can’t even take the time to put others before themselves in their words and sentences, can you really expect them to put others first when it’s time to take actual action?