One of the more influential books that I have read in regards to implementing ways to improve my mental health is The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris. This book was recommended to me by one of my doctors, and it focuses primarily on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which on page 204 of the book is described as the following: “be present, open up, do what matters”. (The author describes this as psychological flexibility and states that “the greater our psychological flexibility, the greater our health, well-being, and happiness”).

I took a lot of great lessons from this book, both philosophical and applicable. I will outline a number of these lessons in individual articles. However, if you are interested in learning more about how to effectively use ACT to help improve your everyday life I would highly recommend digging into this book. (I don’t want to undermine the work of Dr. Harris and am certainly not an expert on the subject as he is; I am simply reviewing some of the concepts and ideas that I found to be of personal value).

Dr. Harris describes one of the chapters in the book as “The HARD Barriers” to achieving a more meaningful life. I believe this is relevant to discuss because, like myself, I am sure many of the readers can relate in one way or another. Think of this as “The New Year’s Resolutioner”. This person (maybe it’s you) is fired up to do something new. You get this burst of motivation and come out with a full head of steam. But not long after, you lose your motivation and fail to achieve anything even close to what you set out to accomplish. You want to move towards a more meaningful life and fully believe that this goal will help you to get there. So what happened? Why did you fall short?

As described in the book, we are all human and no one will ever accomplish 100% of his or her goals. This is an unrealistic (and unhealthy) way to live. In addition to this, you most likely ran into “The HARD Barriers”. HARD is an acronym (if there is one thing I have learned on my mental health journey, it is that there is an acronym for everything). This particular acronym stands for: “Hooked – Avoiding discomfort – Remoteness from values – Doubtful goals”.

Hooked

Dr. Harris spends a great deal of time in this book discussing being “hooked”. Imagine being a fish on a hook and the rod is your negative thoughts pulling you out of the water. Imagine your New Year’s Resolution is to lose weight and get in shape. Some of the ways of being “hooked” are negative thoughts that prevent you from going to the gym: “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I’m too busy to go”, “I will never lose this weight”. These negative thoughts can become a major barrier to achieving a more meaningful life if they do “hook” you.

Applicable Solutions:

-Use “Unhooking” Skills (“Name Your Thoughts” – When an unpleasant thought arises, give it a name or turn it into a story. “Here comes the ‘I’m too busy to go to the gym even though I have a full 30 minutes of free time’ thought again”. Acknowledge that this is simply a thought you are having and continue on with your process as best as you can)

-“Drop Anchor” if you cannot “unhook” yourself (ACE – Acknowledge your thoughts/feelings, Connect with your body, Engage in what you are doing…another acronym) – *For more info on Unhooking Skills and/or Dropping Anchor please refer to the book as Dr. Harris explains it better and provides many more examples*

Avoiding Discomfort

This is one almost everyone has experienced at one point in time or another. Simply put, growth is going to happen outside your comfort zone. Going back to the New Years Resolution of losing weight and getting in shape. Doing the training is going to be difficult (especially if you have never been in the gym before). You are most likely going to experience varying levels of soreness and fatigue. If you are willing to accept this as truth and still find enough value in the activity, you are more likely to push through the discomfort. Dr. Harris sums this up perfectly on page 233 when he writes “If we aren’t willing to open up and make room for these experiences, then we won’t do the challenging things that matter to us”. Living life constantly avoiding discomfort is a surefire way to miss out on living a meaningful life.

Applicable Solutions:

-Analyze whether you are truly ready to put yourself through this discomfort in order to do what needs to be done (and if not put it on hold until you are ready)

-Use “Unhooking” Skills to lessen the severity of the discomfort (for instance you can use the “Thank Your Mind” Unhooking Skill – Thank your mind for raising the alarm bells and trying to “keep you safe”, but let it know that you can take it from here and are not in any actual danger from this discomfort)

Remoteness from Values

Having values can provide intrinsic motivation and help you to push through the previously mentioned uncomfortable situations. Values and goals are not the same (much like intrinsic and extrinsic motivation are not the same). Dr. Harris provides examples of values versus goals (such as “to find a partner: goal. To be loving (whether or not you have a partner): value (pg. 211)). Essentially a value is a quality that guides us towards living a more meaningful life and a goal is something we are hoping to achieve through displaying our values. Being aligned with your values can make navigating difficult situations easier (and conversely straying away from our values can create a barrier to building a meaningful life for ourselves).

Applicable Solutions:

-Take time to analyze what YOUR values truly are

-Take steps daily to aligning your decisions with these values (and acknowledge any positive steps you take because of this, no matter how small they may be)

Doubtful Goals

Speaking of goals, we have all heard of SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound…like I said an acronym for everything). As cliché as it may seem, having goals that are aligned with our values and SMART can make them more realistic (and of course having goals that are too big or daunting make them another barrier to achieving what we are setting out to do).

Applicable Solutions:

-Break your goals down (make them smaller, simpler, and easier to manage)

-Make sure you have the necessary time and resources to achieve your goals (and if not put them on hold until you do)

Conclusion

I hope that this article has been informational for you. My goal is to provide lessons that I am learning in my journey AND provide applicable options that may help you too. I believe this article is especially relevant because I am sure almost all of us have come across some of these “HARD Barriers” when trying to achieve something meaningful in our lives. I would again highly recommend checking out Dr. Harris’s book The Happiness Trap to learn more. (I will write other articles with lessons from this book as well).