One of the more influential books that I have read in regards to implementing ways to improve my mental health is The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris. This book was recommended to me by one of my doctors, and it focuses primarily on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which on page 204 of the book is described as the following: “be present, open up, do what matters”. (The author describes this as psychological flexibility and states that “the greater our psychological flexibility, the greater our health, well-being, and happiness”).

I took a lot of great lessons from this book, both philosophical and applicable. I will outline a number of these lessons in individual articles. However, if you are interested in learning more about how to effectively use ACT to help improve your everyday life I would highly recommend digging into this book. (I don’t want to undermine the work of Dr. Harris and am certainly not an expert on the subject as he is; I am simply reviewing some of the concepts and ideas that I found to be of personal value). This article will focus on “The Seven R’s” and how to sustain new patterns of behavior.

Something that I am sure we have all struggled with at some point is keeping a new behavior going. We want nothing more than to be successful in our new endeavor, and at first, we are. We jump in with so much motivation that it seems almost too easy at the beginning. But somewhere along the way things can become mundane, life can get in the way, we lose interest, or we just “don’t have enough time anymore” (this is why most podcasts/blogs/diets/exercise programs/etc. fail – it’s easy to commit to the short-term but incredibly difficult to maintain consistency over the long-term). So how do we avoid falling into this rut? How do we keep our new behavior going strong?

According to Dr. Harris, there are seven “R’s” that can help: Reminders, Records, Rewards, Routines, Relationships, Reflecting, and Restructuring the Environment (page 255). Let’s take a quick dive into each:

Reminders

Very simply, this is a daily reminder to yourself to perform the activity or behavior. For me, I have a daily reminder on the calendar of my phone for all the activities I want to do that day (also important to have an alert with it so you don’t actually miss the reminder). I will keep this reminder there until it becomes a habit (for instance I DO NOT have a reminder for my morning Duolingo practice. I have done it for so long that it is now a habit for me. However, I do have a reminder to do mindfulness in the morning because it is not yet a habit and is something I may easily forget to do if I don’t remind myself). You can use sticky notes on the fridge, a pop-up on your laptop, etc. The key is to use something you will actually see during the day to ensure you get your reminder.

Records

Keeping some sort of documentation will help you to stay committed to your new behavior. I have used a daily journal (sometimes on my phone, sometimes on my laptop, sometimes hand-written in a notebook). Currently I am using a notebook that coincides with my goals. I write down a weekly goal, discuss it with Kerrin (more on that in a second), then document how I did with that goal/behavior along the way, and then go over it with her before discussing the next goal (again more below). Write down when and where you did your behavior (or didn’t do your behavior) to help you get a better understanding of what helps (or prevents) you from achieving repeatability of the activity (obviously the more you do it the more second-nature it will become).

Rewards

This one works better for Kerrin than for me, but I still find it valuable. Rewarding yourself for your hard work and commitment to your new habit can be really beneficial. If we have an extra difficult day of climbing/lifting/running, Kerrin may reward herself with a “sweet treat”. You can reward yourself with something as simple as some positive self-talk, or as lavish as a new car. For me, the key is scaling the reward to the difficulty. For example, if you did your new habit successfully for one day a casual “Good job” to yourself should suffice. But if you did the new habit for a year straight you may go out and buy yourself something nice (A bonus tip would be to share your reward with people you are close with – Kerrin knows my weekly goals and if it is something extra lofty we may celebrate together with a nice sushi date).

Routines

Conversely, this one works better for me than for Kerrin. I am incredibly routine-oriented (admittedly to a fault sometimes). However, if there is something new that I am trying to do, I simply find ways to put it into my “daily routine”. As an example, something I am working through right now is building a quality “pre-bed” routine. I put my phone away, write in a gratitude journal, briefly go over a plan for the morning, take 10-20 “relaxing” breaths, and then read. My goal is to create a consistent routine of good habits prior to going to bed to increase the chances of being relaxed before I go to sleep (and ultimately, hopefully, improving the quality of my sleep). If you have a goal of learning a new language and have a 15-minute drive to work, play a podcast in that language on the drive. Finding ways to incorporate your new habit into your daily routine will make it that much easier to be consistent with it.

Relationships

Having meaningful relationships can be incredibly valuable for keeping you going when you get in a rut. My most obvious one is with Kerrin, but I also have a psychologist (for my mental health), a psychiatrist (for my medication management), and Kiyoshi (for friendship and work). All of these people play an important role in keeping me on-task and holding me accountable in my life. Find people who you trust, are reliable/dependable, and are open and available to helping you stay consistent. As I said, Kerrin and I will discuss my goals for the week and also reflect on the previous week’s goals.

Reflecting

Reflection is a major key to achieving goals and being consistent with new habits. It is important to note BOTH the good and the bad. Be objective in your reflection and try to take your personal bias out of it (use others here if needed). You should not be afraid of failing or being inconsistent with your new habit. Take the time to understand why you may have missed opportunities to be consistent. As an example I realized each day I was spending time on the couch watching Netflix or playing video games. I started using that time to write blog posts and film exercise videos. Next thing I knew I was doing it all the time and was going days (or even weeks) without turning on the Playstation. Reflect on the good times, but do not avoid studying the “bad” times as those are the best opportunities to learn and grow.

Restructuring the Environment

I have always looked at this one as “planning ahead”. If I want to keep a gratitude journal before bed, I keep the journal on my nightstand. If Kerrin wants to eat less sweets, we don’t have ice cream in the freezer (or at least we keep flavors that only I like…). If I want to do mindfulness in the morning I have my reminder and alarm set every day at the same time. Set your environment up for success and it makes it harder for you to fail.

Conclusion

I hope that this article has been informational for you. My goal is to provide lessons that I am learning in my journey AND provide applicable options that may help you too. It isn’t always easy to stay the course when creating new, meaningful habits for ourselves – hopefully this article gave you some ideas to help you in your journey. I would also again highly recommend checking out Dr. Harris’s book The Happiness Trap to learn more.